My husband is a wonderful husband and father. He has many skills; unfortunately, cooking isn’t one of them.
Part of the problem stems from the fact that he has a tin tongue and I am a super-taster. Things just taste different to me than they do to him. For example, he looks at meat with freezer burn and thinks YUM. I look at the same package and wonder if it is still good enough to let the dog have it. I can distinguish subtle nuances in seasoning, but he can’t taste it unless it is coated with a spice. However, he can’t stand pepper. No black pepper, no red pepper, no bell peppers, and especially no hot peppers.
Another part of the problem is that he learned to cook as a Boy Scout, and he hated cleanup. Even now he tries to cook as much as he can in one pot or dish.
The other day I noticed store brand crescent rolls in the refrigerator. I queried Scott, and he replied that he bought them for a recipe. Already I was skeptical because I think that the store brand isn’t really even the same product. But he was excited about this recipe that he had picked up at the grocery store.
In an ideal world, I would always feel like cooking and would never give Scott the opportunity to make dinner, but earlier this week he got home before me and had already started cooking. Although his recipe was supposed to be quick and easy, I fixed my own appetizer – a banana frosted with Nutella. Then since our kitchen is cramped, I stayed out of the kitchen and waited for dinner to be ready. I could hear him chopping and chopping and chopping and chopping. Finally two and a half hours later, he presented the family with turkey pillows.
With great reluctance I did eat some of mine. The store brand cresent rolls surrounded minced freezer-burned turkey and minced fresh zucchini. All the contents had been minced so much that the pieces were smaller than a grain of rice. It was almost like baby food in a pastry.
Since I usually like the recipes featured by that grocery store, I glanced at the recipe card to see if I could determine what went wrong. I read it through and realized that out of 10 ingredients, Scott had substituted a different ingredient for every single one.
Scott asked me if I liked the meal. I replied that it was food, and that if I happened to ever be starving, I would eat it again.
Ever the optimist, Scott asked, “What if I used chicken instead of turkey, and if there was no freezer burn, and if I had used the brand name crescent rolls, and if I hadn’t minced the ingredients so fine, and if it hadn’t taken 3 hours to prepare . . . .